yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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