How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
