I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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