I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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