i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
