I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
