it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize