she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
