a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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