i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
