Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
