He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
