smell my finger.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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