He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
