I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize