Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
