I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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