she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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