That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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