I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
