so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
