It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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