Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
