sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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