Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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