I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
