Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
