pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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