I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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