I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
