cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
