You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sorry about my life...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
