So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
