Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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