apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
