I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize