he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
