am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
