If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
