i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
