Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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