something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
