alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
