12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Houston, we have a blender
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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