If that was your dad, he is hot
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
