I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
