I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This girl is more easily done than said...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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