i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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