I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
