when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
