you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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