If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
