come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
