i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
