maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
