hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
