i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
