the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
