His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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