dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
