a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
