she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
