i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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