i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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