no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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