are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
