It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
