Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
whose parrot is this?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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