R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
