What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
