Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
