Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
