dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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