can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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