My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
