come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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