You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
