oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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