her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
