That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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