i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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