goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
